I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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