Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
