I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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