I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
