i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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