I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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