Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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