they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
