Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
