the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
