You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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