WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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