A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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