i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
