Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
