She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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