the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i've created a new STD.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize