I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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