I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
