idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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