My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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