bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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