He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
