you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
