Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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