Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
