yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
