I hate your face
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
