Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
