i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
