i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
