Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she peed on how many people?
it's great music for shaving your balls
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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