i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
