I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
