and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
