It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
