i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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