Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
