I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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