dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize