so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
