well I can't set my house on fire every night
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
