im about as happy as oj after his trial
where does the pee come out of this thing
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You made out with two different species that night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
