My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
nutella sex= disaster
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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