Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never joke about your clitoris.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
