508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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