evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
