I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
