separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
