I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wanna go halves on a baby?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
