Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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