and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
3pm strippers are depressing
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
