And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
