She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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