I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
