glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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