scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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