I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
