Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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