would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
