So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I love having hate sex.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
