You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
