maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
