U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I met the friendliest cop last night
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So vagazzling was a success
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
