No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
