I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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