Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
