I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
