I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize