Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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