Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
