Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
