Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
