I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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