i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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