it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
