i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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