I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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